I graduated from high school in 2014. Which means that right now, the majority of people I went to school with are getting ready to graduate from college. Not all. But most.
I will not be walking across the graduation stage this year. And honestly, I might never.
Which is, usually, okay with me.
Dropping out college was by far the hardest and most important decision of my life. I had spent the majority of freshman year in and out of the local ER. I didn’t remember most weekends and some week days. And I just generally hated myself and a lot of those around me.
My life took some dangerous turns that I wasn’t prepared for and by the middle of spring semester, I was working a 12 step program. Which helped a lot with staying out of the hospital.
Unfortunately, it made school harder. It made eating disorder symptoms worse. And I fell in with people who had led much more intense and dangerous lives than I had.
I felt like a constant imposter.
That summer, I packed up and came to Israel. I made friends. I made a family out of those around me. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel for the first time in months.
When summer ended, I didn’t go back for fall semester. By November, I had officially dropped out and decided to move to Israel. I had people who wanted the best for me and vice versa. I had new opportunities. Getting out of bed, all of a sudden, wasn’t the most taxing part of my day.
I still have bad mental health days and weeks. But I don’t feel so alone in them anymore.
The imposter syndrome isn’t nearly as intense. I have a sense of self.
Basically, dropping out of college, truly, saved my life.