An Ode To My Own Self-Destruction

“The enemy does not stand a chance when its victim decides to survive.”- Rae Smith

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

So, what is it called when you do the same thing over and over hoping for the same results?

I call it self-destruction.

That moment when I cross the street without looking for cars.

That moment when I skip parts of my meal plan because it won’t make a difference.

That moment when instead of sitting in the discomfort, instead of leaning into the discomfort, I decide to run.

I decide to open myself up.

I decide to lay down and be walked on.

And then, I walk on myself.

I read somewhere that “writing a list of ways to better myself and writing a suicide note is the same thing”.

So, what do you do when that list is all your brain can come with?

Today, today I decided to sit still and listen.

Listen to my body.

Listen to those around me.

And remember that I am both my problem and my solution.

Eating Disorder Recovery. Adventure Seeker. Live Well, Travel Often.

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